Friday, January 27, 2012

5 Panty-Bunching Nuisances at PSU

Having attended this glorious school for almost four years, I've learned two things about it: the things I love and the things I hate. There seems to be certain habits people develop inside a campus bubble, and many of you students can relate. Now is the time to band together and put an end to these ludicrous practices:

1. The b*tch at the end of the row.  

  • Yeah, you. You know who you are. The person that arrives to lecture hall thirty minutes early and sits right at the end of the row, making everyone who piles in after you climb over your Vera Bradley backpack, laptop cord, umbrella, and gym bag. The worst part? The look I get from you as I'm tumbling over your shit. Sorry I inconvenienced you, see I thought this was class, not your castle.
2. That kid that walks like a tortoise to class.
  • Usually, there's a cellphone involved. It's only safe to think that he's talking to his 86 year old grandmother from South Dakota who just got done watering her plants -- because there's no way in this day-and-age anything else would make a person walk so slow. This sort of thing usually happens when you only have fifteen minutes to get across campus. Just so you know, I'm the one day dreaming about kicking your legs out and making a mad dash around you. 
3. That drunk girl at the football game. 
  • We came to watch the game, not hear you ramble incoherent thoughts through the first two quarters (the third and fourth are when you'll be in the bathroom puking). No, we don't care that you got up at the crack of dawn and funneled 6 beers, in fact, we think you're dumb. And stop cheering, our team is the one in blue, you moron.  
4. Campus chicken games. 
  • It's a beautiful day, and you're walking along peacefully listening to James Taylor when right in front of you, you see three loud and obnoxious individuals prancing your way. You eye them, and they pretend like they don't see you; but both parties know it's war. Who is going to move out of the way, and who's going to wind up walking in the grass of death? Logically, it would only make sense that the three-person party would file into a nice, compact, single-file line and let you pass... but not at Penn State. Sadly, if you're the one-person party, you can bet your ass is grass. 
5. That kid at the bus stop.
  • Maybe its raining, or windy, or maybe you're just feeling lazy... but you think to yourself, "Self, I'm going to take the bus today." So you make your way to the beloved bus stop where you kick yourself for 10 minutes because you could have walked the class in the time you've been standing there waiting for the damn Bloop. Then, here comes Mr. I-Don't-Wait-In-Lines, just one brief minute before the bus pulls up. As everyone lines up in the order the arrived at the bus stop, the aforementioned mastermind pushes himself to the front of the line and gets the last open seat on the bus. 
Since the average walk to class at PSU is 30 minutes (I'm 5'2'' give me a break!), we spend a lot of time walking across our campus. What does that jerk in front of you do that pisses you off?