Thursday, February 2, 2012

Phil "Punxsutawney" No-name, Jr.

Imagine this... You wake up one morning famished. It's been so cold and snowy that you haven't gotten to hunt in three days. More concerned with where your next meal is coming from, you leaving your house without even checking the mirror. Suddenly, just after you step outside, bright flashes of blinding lights explode instantaneously around you. After gaining your composure, you realize that these are not bombs like you thought, but rather cameras three times the size of your body. So you run around frantically until you figure out the way back into your home, where you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder until you overcome it a year later -- which brings you to leave your house again. The same thing happens. All you can think is, "Man, my life sucks."

And this, my friends, is how our hero, Punxsutawney Phil feels every February 2nd.

There's no doubt that something as magical as P squared doesn't even need to go outside to know if there is 6 more weeks of winter. In fact, he can save some of his magical powers and just simply point out that WINTER HASN'T EVEN STARTED, YET. But no, year after year, he gets tricked into making these famous appearances that has the whole world wondering. What exactly did that little hog eat to get so freaking good at predicting the weather? I mine as well find it, that way I can become a meteorologist without having attended one class.

My guess? He's not even that magical. In fact, after he gets over his initial PTSD symptoms, he probably laughs his ass off. Those dumb humans are at it again. Maybe next year I'll borrow Harry Potter's invisibility cloak and really throw them for a loop. That way, there will be a shadow but no me, ha! Maybe then they'll think that Fall will make an appearance for the next 6 weeks.

I mentioned this to a few of my 500 Facebook friends this morning... What happens when good ol' Phil dies? Will the world run around in chaos wondering how we'll know which jacket to wear for the next six weeks? Will some of us have frostbitten toes because we wrongfully chose flipflops for spring time instead of Uggs for winter? WHAT WILL WE DO?!

Personally, although the world will be in chaos, I'll be happy because my good pal P Squared will finally get some peace.

Just a side note: I heard he's not even a groundhog...