Thursday, April 5, 2012

Time flies by: a tribute to the last nine years

One of my favorite shows ended the other day. Well, I can't say it has been my favorite lately, but it started off that way. One Tree Hill, and before you judge me, I fell in love with it nine years ago when I was thirteen years old. It was definitely time for the end, the plot was getting so crazy that I wonder why I kept watching it to this day. But it's over now, and for some reason it made me pretty sad.

At first, I didn't understand why. I mean, it's just a TV show, and aside from its first few seasons it's not even that good of a show. But then I got to thinking, and maybe what makes me sad is that nine years later, I'm not the thirteen year old girl I was when I started watching it.

Time goes by too fast. We've all heard it so many times and the phrase itself is so cliche. Maybe cliches are like stereotypes in the way that there is a little bit of truth behind them.

Nine years ago I was a little girl that looked at the world and all the things it had to offer with open eyes. I looked forward to my first love, to high school, to growing up. I was awkward, and I hated it. Nine years ago I just wanted that chance at being cool. Nine years ago I didn't know who I was or who I was going to be, and the possibilities were endless.

And look at me now. While I'm very proud of where I am, there's a slight disappointment that I'm actually growing up. It's real this time. While I have yet to experience everything, it seems that since I starting watching that TV show, I've experienced more than I could ever guess.

I found myself and lost myself and found myself again more times than I expected. I made friends and lost friends, sometimes by my will and sometimes by theirs. I fell in love and got my heart broken and learned to love again. I danced and laughed and cried. I rolled my eyes at advice my parents gave me and kicked myself later when they were right. I experimented and got drunk more than I needed to. I left home like I would never look back, and I looked
back more times than I can count. I did things I never thought I'd do; some I was proud of, others not so much. But through the good times and even the bad, it was a sweet ride.

On nights like tonight, when I think of that thirteen year old curled up on her bed, watching that favorite TV show, I wish I could go back. I want to go back to that awkward stage, to that time when so much was ahead of me and I didn't have to act so adult about it. To that time when even though it seemed hard, it was easy. I want to go back to the times before I knew what it was like to really love or to really lose a friend.

Of course, there are reasons why the present part of my life is great, too. I can't let a little nostalgia convince me that things were better then, because I have it really great right now. But as I graduate from college and move on from my favorite TV show, it's hard not to look back and think about how time moves just a little too fast. The truth is, I'm scared. At risk of sounding melodramatic, but I feel as though it's all ending. The world as I know it, is. It's funny, though, because maybe in nine years from now, I'll look back at myself now as I'm looking back on my thirteen year old version tonight. Life's weird that way -- through the goggles of hindsight bias, you always think you had it better. But this time I know I have it good.

So I'll wave goodbye to this chapter and look eagerly on to the next. Or maybe I'll just look to my side and try to remember all of the things I have in the here and now. Like I said, I have it pretty good after all.